This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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