I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
