My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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