see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
