My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
