im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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