help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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