okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize