I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
