his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Houston, we have a blender
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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