Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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