Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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