I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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