But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
