Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Even my vagina gasped.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
