Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
