he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
