if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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