Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
