I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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