god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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