I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
