I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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