I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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