You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
