Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize