I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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