I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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