That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
