Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
