apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
