Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
