We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
