I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
