Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
