he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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