You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
