Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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