On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hippo gnu deer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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