I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
