You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
