do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Farmville is her only friend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
