the condom got lost in my hair
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
