Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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