wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
