a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
