i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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