I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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