I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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