I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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