before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
