You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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