A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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