I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
