weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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