Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
