Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
