We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im holly from the hills drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's shark week go big or go home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
