And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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