I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
