i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
