My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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