I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
