I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i love accidental penises.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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