Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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