so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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