I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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