He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
