Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Shame - the story of my life.
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