Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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