just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
