how can u be prego again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
