On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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