Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
