Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
